Language Barriers

Since I am a guest in Qatar, I should, out of respect to the culture, learn Arabic.  This is one of my goals, once I am done going to the hosspital three times a week. Learning a foreign language is always a humbling experience and makes one realize how difficult it is for others to learn one's own language. I am certain that many of the people who come here who are forced to communicate in English or Arabic, have had very little experience with either language.

I am impressed with those who can speak English, French and Arabic (Lebanese and Tunisians for example)
and how well many Arabs speak English. Certainly it would take me many years to achieve that level of proficiency in English.  And, I'm sure Hindi would be very difficult to learn, especially proper pronunciation.It is amazing how well people are functioning in a language other than their first.

However, there is a saying here which goes, "English was born in England, it lived in America, and it died in India." This would make sense to you if you consider the fact that the international language is English, and the common language here is English, and that all communication is in both Arabic and English, but really only a small number of the people have actually been taught proper English. Apparently this is even more true in India, as one might suspect given the limited English the huge Indian population speaks here in Qatar. Of course, India has vast differences among its population, and obviously some groups are much better educated than others. The Indian professionals here (engineers, doctors ,teachers, etc...)appear to speak better English than the thousands of Indian laborers who are here.

Since English is my mother tongue, one might think that I am at an advantage when speaking English.  This is only somewhat true because so many people don't understand me! This is a source of frustration when making phone calls to offices, talking to clerks at the hospital, shopping at the grocery store, speaking to the attendants at our compound, or directing a taxi driver. Of course this would be true in any foreign country and I should be grateful that the signs are in English!!!! And, as always, I am grateful for the fact that anyone attempts to speak in English. But, there is a type of English which seems to have evolved among the Indian population which they not only use, but also understand better. This new language is called "Hinglish"--an Arab friend of ours told us that when he studied in India, all of the classes were in English, but no one spoke it properly! (He, by the way, spoke excellent English).  He also said that the instructor told him that when writing papers not to "put the information in his own words, but rather to simply copy and paste!" Interesting.

On the other hand, when I lived in Germany, I came there not knowing the language at all, so I do know how lucky I am to have so much communication in English. And, I am also aware of how well many Arabs and  Europeans speak English.  As I gradually learned German, I was also aware of how awkward it was for me to speak, so I should be sympathetic to those who are functioning in a language other than their native one.  It takes a long time to be able to communicate on a sophisticated level and to come across as intelligent. 

And, I am impressed with those who speak French, English, and Arabic ( Lebanese and Tunisians for example) and with the large number of Arabs who speak excellent English. Certainly it would take me many years to achieve that level of proficiency in Arabic. And learning Hindi would be even more of a challenge!  It's all about tolerance and trying to overcome barriers, especially in communication.      

The Pearl and Gymnastics Class

The Pearl is a new area of Doha, still being developed, where the restaurants, hotels, and shops are made to mimic The Riviera.  The building is along the gulf and the avenue is lined with flowers, palm trees, restaurants, shops, and even a dock for yachts.  Right now, the area is fairly empty. We ate at an Italian Restaurant with Jimmy, Mia, and Veronica and took a brief walk along the water--the weather is getting very hot, so it is no longer pleasant to be outside. This is where one might see European sports cars parked along the street and women in abiyas carrying shopping bags from designer shops such as Hermes or Gucci. There seem to be more expats in this area and a less rigid dress code, also alcohol is served in the restaurants.

The pictures of Mia in gymnastics were taken at The Qatar Gymnastics Center, where Mia has been going twice a week for gymnastics. The children in the class vary in ability and age, but the coaches seem to do a good job of keeping them all challenged and happy. Mia has made friends with some of the girls (she especially likes an Egyptian girl who is next to her in line). The coach uses Arabic, English, and French when speaking to the children, depending on the nationality of the child. He is very dedicated and puts so much effort into each class. He seems to really like the children and has excellent rapport with them.They all appear very enthused about coming to class.

 There is a Qatari team which practices after Mia's class;they come every day for several hours and have Romanian and Russian coaches hired specifically to prepare therm for competition with other nations.  The Russian coaches have a very austere style and are very harsh in the way they speak to the gymnasts. I was told that when a Qatari has a child that shows talent in an area, the parents will hire the best teachers possible to teach their children.  So, it is likely that each child on the team has a private coach from Russia sponsored by a Qatari parent. I suppose this is a good job for a Russian gymnast since I'm sure the Qataris pay quite well.

Pictures of Mia's Gymnastics Class and The Pearl in Doha

Class Pose (Multi Age and Cultures)

Playing Games

Mia on the beam

Algierian Coach Noor and Iraqi Coach

Mia and Jimmy at The Pearl

Veronica, Mia, and Jimmy at The Pearl

The Call to Prayer

Five times a day, we hear the call to prayer, which is made by a male caller from ther mosque, calling the faithful to stop activity and pray. The call to pray can be heard everywhere, including shopping malls.  Men and women pray separately.  The women can go to a prayer room while the men go to the mosque, or a prayer room.  Some pray in public, but most go to a prayer room.  Many do not stop activity and seem to ignore the call to prayer in the same way that a Catholic might ingnore church bells for mass  on a Sunday morning. Some Muslims carry prayer beads with them, especially on the sabbath (Friday).  I have seen prayer rugs for sale in many places, and they are used on the sidewalk as well as at home or in a prayer room or mosque. Shoes are always removed before one enters a mosque or prayer room, so when one goes to the ladies room at a mall, next to the ladies room there is usually a prayer room for women with shoes lined up outside the door. The men's prayer room is next to the men's restroom at the mall, so it is unlikely that one would ever invade the private space of the opposite sex. Of course, small children go with the women.

One of the most spiritual moments I have ever experienced occured in Abu Dhabi as I awoke to the call to prayer before sunrise and looked out from Paul's bedroom window on the 17th floor to see the Muslim world slowly awake to that lonesome call.

At the same time, the effect of the call is less intense as I hear it more often.

I do miss the sound of church bells, and remember how beautiful it was to hear the chimes from the cathedral in Germany where I lived for one year, many years ago.

And, the chorus of birds is also uplifting as they sing in the early morning in nature's chapel.There are so many ways that God calls us to prayer.

More Pictures

Our Our Villa--Veronica and Mia and Amy (in julabiyas)

At The School

Jimmy, Paul, Amy, Mia at The Souk                                                     Paul holding puppy at The Souk

Veronica and Mia at The Iranian Restaurant

What Women Really Want

Veronica had an interesting conversation with some of the other young women volunteers at the hospital.  One of them,a medical student in Qatar(Arab Muslim but not Qatari), shared some thoughts on marriage, namely that she is engaged, and that her marriage, like so many in this part of the world, is arranged. She told Veronica that she "likes her future husband" and looks forward to being married because she will be free of the restrictions of her parent's house.

 Two other young women, both in high school, also said they "can't wait to be married" because then they will be able to go more places and have their own schedules, unlike now where they can never go out unchaperoned and spend most of their time inside feeling very bored!  They are Muslim, from Egypt, but have grown up here. They are absolutely fascinated with the social life of American teens and youth  and question Veronica a lot to know if she lives just the way people do in the movies! As I mentioned in an earlier email, they wanted to know if Veronica had ever been on a date and where she went and how she meets boys.  Their response to all of this was,"We would be scared to talk to a 'stranger' and to go out with someone our parents didn't know." Marriage seems like a very safe place for them, especially since their parents arrange it.

Most women, of all ages, are in abiyas and veils.  Western women are advised to be covered as much as possible because they will be made to feel very uncomfortable if their knees are showing, or neckline too low, or shoulders exposed when out in public (except at a swimming pool or hotel beach). I witnessed one western woman, who was in a sundress on a 90 degree day, be stalked by an old man at the souk and surrounded by other men who glared at her until she put on a sweater! Although Paul told me that western women don't have to adhere to a dress code, my own experience and observation say otherwise.  Especially when a woman is alone. 

One elderly woman told us, at the women's association festival day, that she feels uncomfortable going out in public with her face uncovered.  She must wear a mask--"It's as if I can't breathe when I don't have on my burkha"---a leather  mask which covers the nose, brow, and cheekbones.

Making Friends

All of us are making friends and experiencing the kindness of others. Mia has a little group of play mates at the compound.  They ring our bell and play with her on the grassy area in front of our door, or they go inside the indoor play area, or they meet her at the pool (they have their Filipino nannies while Mia has me to supervise her). The children are girls and boys of various ages, mainly from Lebanon. They all speak Arabic, but actually use English when playing, so it is good for Mia! Mia has also made friends at gymnastics class, which she attends twice a week.  There are about twenty children in the class, and the two coaches (both men, one fronm Iran and the other from Algiers) organize large group games before the group is split for skills practice. The children are very friendly to Mia and work very hard to sit next to her.  These children are from Lebanon, Egypt, Tunisia, and other middle eastern countries.  Interestingly enough, Mia is the only American in the class.

Jimmy and Veronica are here now.  Jimmy met someone his age (19) who lives in the compound, at the pool.  His name is Roman and he's from Russia; his mother is also Russian, but the father is from Lebanon. He has met with Jimmy a few times to play video games in the club house and outdoor sports.  Jimmy also met someone his age at the compound basketball court and another man in his 30's at the basketball court.  Both guys were so happy to finally have another "good" basketball player in the compound.  Strangely enough, the guy in his 30's (married with a two year old child) lived in Chicago.  His parents are from the UAE.

Veronica started doing volunteer work today at the hospital.  Two other volunteers that work with her, were raised here in Qatar, but are from Egypt. They were very friendly with her. They asked her many questions about America, including whether or not Veronica had ever been on a date! They were amazed to learn that Veronica had--"Just like in the movies" they exclaimed--and told Veronica that they do not date in their culture. Veronica really likes them and will be working with them all week .More to come on that!

I have met so many people and feel there are many opportunities for developing friendships. I have met other American and European expats through my neighbor, Mary, who is an American. She invited me for a luncheon and a book swap.  Her friends are very interesting and intelligent. I'v also met some women through the "morning expat coffee group" at Villagio Mall on Wednesday mornings (my neighbor Mary also took me to this group), and other women through my cancer support group.  I have met a variety of Arabic and Muslim moms at Mia's gymnastics class and at the park and indoor playground. I (and Mia) recently were invited to tea by Paul's boss's wife, who is originally from Holland. I have met some Indian women at my yoga class (which takes place at an Indian school near here), and even chatted with the Filipino nannies in the compound (there are ten live-in nannies in this compound). Because I go to the oncology hospital three times a week for my lymphodema, I have gotten to know my physical therapist and massage therapist--the former is from Tunisea and the latter is from Hungary. The receptionist at the hospital (who is actually a man who wears a dish dash and head covering) has been very helpful and friendly.  He was born and raised here, but is actually from Yemen. He helped Veronica get set up at the volunteer office and has offered to take Jimmy to see the sites in Doha and go for coffee with his friends (as we see so many Arab men in large groups in dish dash at the coffee shops). And, I met the Qatari women at the women's event--there is yet another one scheduled this month! So, there are many encounters and I feel I would betray those who have been so kind to me if I were to say anything negative about the people here. I have been treated with respect by both Arab women and Arab men, and have been shown hospitality by not only expat Americans, but also Brits and Europeans and people of various nationalities. Women who are veiled have given me smiling eyes and shown kindness and gentleness as have many Arab men who have often given me a seat in a waiting room or gestured for me to go ahead of them in line. Of course there are always some bad experiences, but it would be so anywhere.  In general, I find that most peole want to bridge the gap of misunderstanding that has created so many problems over the centuries.  I only wish I had more time to pursue friendships. Perhaps when I am done with my hospital care.

Paul, like most men who work in upper level poitions here, has met many people through his work.  He works with people from all over the world and seems to get along well with everyone. It appears that people make a big effort to be especially polite and respectful and the work environment is very pleasant, despite the fact that good jobs are not always secure. The level of courtesy and most excellent manners is very apparent. People use very gentle tones when speaking to each other and allow time to observe rules of etiquette.

The other day, at the Souk, one of the shop keepers invited us to sit down and have some tea.  This is not unusual.  People expect to be treated respectfully.  This has been MY EXPERIENCE.

Women Only

As a member of the American Women's Association, I was invited to attend a morning of "Qatari Culture" at an Arabic Girls School presented by the Qatari Women's Association. Other women's groups such as the French Women's Association and the Italian Women's Association, were also in attendance. I was advised to wear a traditional women's dress as a sign of respect to the Qataris.  Since Veronica and Jimmy are now here, Veronica was able to also attend, along with Mia.  The three of us (Veronica, Mia and I) went to the souk to buy the dresses two days before the event. The day of the event, we were driven by Sharyn, a member of the American Women's Association (AWA) to the school.

When we arrived at the school. we walked between two rows of girls clapping and singing a welcome song to us! Once in the school, we got a tour of the facility, which was very modern and well-equipped (an unusual school I was told).  The girls had art work throughout the school. So many Qatari women and other women were in attendance and the general atmosphere was very festive and energetic.  The girls at the school were very dressed up and friendly. Mia seemed to enjoy therir hospitality, although later she expressed how "left out" she felt since it was not her school or her culture.  She was the only child who was there as a guest.

We sat at tables that were prepared as very elegant banquet tables with white table cloths, silk charir covers and flowers on the tables.  While some students danced on stage, other girls passed out Arabian coffee, Arabian tea, bags of candy and nuts, rosewater, and other delights.  The highlight of the presentation was the women's dance at a "wedding" where the bride wears green and is adorned by other women who throw mint leaves and flowers and even paper money in the air as the bride is processed around.  The women have a unique way of undulating cheers for the bride and honoring her. It is very impressive.  I was told that often the money thrown in the air is over 20,000.00 QR ($5,000.00) and all of it is given to charity. All of the women present were very complimented by the fact that the women worked so hard to educate us and make us feel welcome.We sat with two Italian women and several Qatari women. We all agreed to meet again and have coffee.(Will this ever really happen?)  The Qatari women really liked Mia and Veronica and actually invited them to come to their home for a family party!  The emotions were very high at the event and all of the women seemed to enjoy being together and talking openly about so many "forbidden" questions.  I think the Arab women are much more relaxed and free with the men gone.  This level of openness would never have been achieved if the men had been present. It was so wonderful.  They even had bedouin tents set up where girls/women could get henna tattoos painted on them, as they do at a wedding. As I explained in an earlier blog, the wedding party is actually separate parties with men at one location and women at another location.We were given henna to bring home. So, I guess I did get to attend a Muslim Wedding, of sorts, after all.

An Evening With Royalty

Her Highness Sheikha Moza Bint Nasser

So, as a member of the Cancer Support Group in Doha, I was invited to the Sheraton Hotel for  the launching of the five year cancer initiative, where the very high profiled Sheikha Moza, as Vice Chairman of Supreme Council of Health, made an appearance.  In Doha, she is very well respected and known for her tireless efforts to improve education and health care in Qatar. She was named by Forbes as on of the 100 most powerful women, and is likened to Jackie Kennedy (who else is the ultimate icon of fashion?) for her elegance and style. Although she wore the traditional abiya (as in the photo above), she often wears chanel suits and other designer clothing when traveling abroad (visiting the Queen of England or the Obamas or the Queen of Spain) and her hair is usually only partially covered!

I was seated at the second table to the front, and Moza sat in a chair along with other dignitaries a few rows ahead of our table. She certainly had a regal and chasrismatic presence. Several people spoke about cancer care in Qatar, pledging their dedication and outlining the plan for the 2 billion dollar project to make cancer care in Qatar as good as the best care in the world. I feel very excited about this project and am so grateful to have the support and leadership of this group. The women I have met have been so friendly and accepting, sensitive and compassionate. Last night I met yet another woman who was one of the pioneers in breast cancer networking in Doha. Her husband is British, she is Indian, and they live in Doha. She has done so much to help women feel less alone, to help them find resources to cope, and gave me some very helpful information. I even saw a Qatari woman who had pink ribbons in sequins on her veil. she was not a survivor or patient, but rather a nurse who wanted to show support.  I think the fact that Moza is highlighting this disease makes so many feel less alone and overcomes the stigma which many women with breast cancer have felt, especially in this region.

As soon as Sheikha Moza arrived, a hush fell over the banquet room and the doors were closed.  When she entered, the assembly rose in silence and the only sound was the clicking and flashing of cameras from reporters. Although the majority of the people were Arab, there was also a large number of Westerners present, including Ellie LeBaron, the wife of the American Ambassador, who is also a breast cancer survivor. Sheikha Moza did not speak, but she did take the stage for a gift presentation and photos. After she left, the banquet was served. The evening was very uplifting and made me, as a cancer patient, feel the power of community beyond my country and church and into a universal forum.It was very exciting.

More Photos

                                          "Hi Everyone!"

                                          The Pool at Our Villa

      

                                          Mia watering the flowers.

                                          Amy and Mia at The Cultural Village

                                           Paul and Mia at the Cultural Village

                                          Qatari Boy at The Cultural Village

                                          Paul and Mia at the Furniture Souk

                                          "Hi Everyone!"

                                           Under The Waterfall at the pool

                                          Mia watering the flowers at our villa               

                                           Amy and Mia at the Cultural Village

                                          Paul and Mia at The Cultural Village

                                           Young Qatari at The Cultural Village

                                          Paul and Mia at the Furniture Souk

                                         Amy at The Cultural Village (Yes, my hair is growing back!)

Eating Out

One of the favourite activities among expats and Qataris alike is eating out.  The choices of restaurants is vast and impressive, covering a wide range of ethnic choices, although Middle Eastern food is most common. Customers are encouraged to eat in a leisurely fashion and the service is usually excellent.

 On Thursday night, Paul, Mia and I went to the Ramada Hotel for a buffet through Paul's work. A few noteable points: Paul is very respected and liked by his boss, co-workers and subordinates; the American flag was missing among the ten flags flying at the hotel (and this was done intentionally so we learned so as not to make the hotel a "target") ; and Mia was not allowed in the banquet room since alcohol was being served. Although hotels are a ''free zone" regarding the ban on alcohol, there still are certain restrictions.  Since Mia couldn't go in, Paul, Mia and I ate outside the banquet room, in the foyer. Several people from Paul's company (QPM---Qatari Project Management) came out periodically and joined us. The hotel restaurants are usually more expensive and have a larger amount of expats in them than do those in the rest of Doha.

On Friday night, Paul, Mia and I went to an Iranian Restaurant at the Souk for dinner. This restaurant was recommended to us by some women in my cancer support group. No, we haven't forgotten what happened, but I believe that most people are not very political and really are only concerned with their families and circle of friends. The restaurant itself was stunning (to use Mia's word) and opulent (to use Paul's word) in a unique way. The restaurant was designed in a square with a fountain in the middle and a balcony overlooking the eating area.The floor, walls, and ceiling were all done in handmade tiles. The tiles on the ceiling were cut glass, reflecting the colors of the many chandeliers throughout the room.  Some of the chandeliers were pink, others yellow or blue or green.  The tiles on the walls were red, blue, gold and green--there were also murals in the long hallway leading into the restaurant and in the private sitting areas around the outside of the eating area where one could lounge on huge cushions on the floor.  These private sitting areas had heavy tapesteries as drapes and anyone who wishes could choose to eat there.  There was another room which our very friendly Iranian waitor showed us where a long banquet table with huge ornate chairs and mirrored celing tiles and endless floor and wall tiles reflected the many chandeliers on the ceiling.  Another room was all mirrors at various angles and glass celing tiles and detailed floor tiles. Very interesting.  And, to top it off, there was even live traditional Middle Eastern music (one man playing keyboard with another playing violin, then flute) later in the evening.  Paul ordered spinach stew;I ordered steak with saffron rice; Mia ordered french fries(which can be bought everywhere); and we all shared saffron ice cream with strawberry juice for desert. I think Mia wished we had gone to Baskin Robbins for dessert.

Then, we walked around the Souk and browsed. We also saw a group of Qatari musicians and a group of Qatari men dancing together while women in abiyas with veils (many with only their eyes visible) sat in the chairs facing the musicians. I don't know if the women were in any way related to the men.  The men were also dressed in traditional costumes (long white dish dash and white headpieces wuith black cords).

The Red, White, and Blue

Dear Readers,
The last few days I have been filled with a great longing for the American Flag, just to see it waving in the wind, the sun shining upon it on the 4th of July, remembering all those school days we pledged our allegiance, and the girl scout flag ceremonies, the cub scouts saluting the colors on pack night, streams of red and white stripes waving along sidewalks on Memorial Day, the flag wrapped around a war protestor somewhere in my childhood.  How many times I dressed my children in stars and stripes for the 4th of July parade, or the flag stickers and t-shirts and ribbons decorating party hats on Lincolon's birthday, now all those moments stand out as a symbol of the country I love and the freedom it offers. And more.  I remember the flag, new and bold, folded neatly and placed in my mother's arms as my father's body was lowered into the ground on a dreary November day. My father came upon the shores of Normandy in WWII the second day of the invasion. I have such a yearning to display the American flag, but of course, that is illegal here. When I go home this summer, I intend to get an American flag to hang somewhere inside our villa where I can be proud of who I am.

Muslim Bride

By way of a chance encounter, I had the honor of being invited to a traditional Arabic wedding. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend.  I hope I'll get another invitation in the future! How did this come about? I went to a "no appointments necesssary" manicure/pedicure salon at the Villagio Mall and while having services done, three veiled Qatari women came inside.  Once inside the "ladies only" mini salon, they uncovered their faces.  They were (most likely) in their early twenties and very giddy and friendly...I commented on their henna tatoos on their hands and feet and they explained that they had just had this done at a pre-nuptial party and one of them was the bride! After talking a while, and learning I was American, the sister of the bride invited me to come to the wedding that night (she gave me the address and her cell phone number).  She explained that the wedding party was segregated (men at one location, women at another)   and that the groom would make an appearance later in the evening to dance with the bride. She said that the women did not wear their abiyas, but rather dressed very formally in evenings gowns.  I explained that I wasn't prepared for a formal wedding, but she said she only "wanted to welcome me to Qatar" and thought I would like to see the wedding.  I was very interested, but Paul and Mia and I actually had other plans. The bonding among women is very strong here and friendship is taken seriously. This is true with the men also.

Grocery Shopping

So, I have been asked to give more information about grocery shopping here in Doha.  First of all, there are many choices as far as stores go: the place with the most American products (my favorite cereal, bagels (yes, in an Arab country!), half and half, etc…) is Mega Mart; the store with the most British products is Spinneys (they also carry a lot of gourmet items like caviar or pate or whatever); the HUGE grocery store that is a “big box” store with food, clothing, hardware, carpets,etc..is CarreFourre, a French grocery store; the store that is equally as HUGE is LuLu Market, which is Arabic.  LuLu market has dazzling multicolor lights on the outside streaming down the entire front of the building.

 These stores are always packed on the weekend evenings, especially LuLu Market and CarreFourre. Seriously, it’s as busy as it is at home the day before Thanksgiving. Who shops?  Everyone, from every country imaginable: Arabs, expats, Indians, Filipinos, Africans, etc… CarrFourre and Lulu Market have the most selection of produce and meat, but not the best quality. The prices are higher at Spinneys and Mega mart, but the quality and service is better.

 Last week, we went to a new grocery store which just opened up near here and has the added attraction of a “Big Fun for Little Ones” (indoor amusement park) and restaurant inside.  The store is not as huge as Lulus or CarreFourre, or as plush as Spinneys or Mega Mart, but is a good medium, and not too crowded. We went early Saturday morning, when most people are still sleeping, so it was actually a relaxing experience. We bought shrimp, quail eggs, beef, chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, plums, bananas, Oreos, milk, orange juice, flour and sugar, popcorn (yes!), peanut butter (double yes!), honey (very popular here), dates (also popular), soup (Campbell’s but tomato soup is only found at Mega mart), napkins, Clorox wipes, pine sol, and recess peanut butter cups! All of our water is bottled. Needless to say, we have many choices with food. 

There are also MANY small grocery stores where one can buy milk or eggs or whatever…and many small bakeries where one can buy pastry or dates…carry out is very popular here and every store or restaurant delivers anywhere (pool side service for example) .  My observation has been that many people survive on carry out and dining out.  There is a small restaurant nearby where we ordered carry out shish kabob, hummus, taboulah, and pita bread for three for only about the equivalent of 5.00! and, the food was so good. Pizza is also popular here (doesn’t everyone like pizza?).

The following American chains are “here”: KFC (very popular with Arabs), Pizza Hut, Papa Johns Pizza, Baskin Robins, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, McDonalds, Burger King.  We never go to any of these place---O.K., we do go to Baskin Robins and Krispy Kreme.

There are also many local places that serve traditional Lebanese food, even as fast food.  And, in case you don’t know, alcohol is illegal here.  Strict Muslims do not drink alcohol. So, there is no alcohol in restaurants, unless they are hotel restaurants, where the rules don’t apply. Unlike Abu Dhabi, one can get a liquor license here, and purchase alcohol at certain places with your license. On the other hand, tropical nonalcoholic fruit drinks are very popular and served everywhere—very delicious!!!

The Museum of Islamic Art

Last Saturday, Paul, Mia and I visited the Museum of Islamic Art (MIA), which is a beautiful museum desgned by I.M. Pei, the famous Chinese-American architect. (He also designed the pyramid-shaped annex to the Louvre in Paris.) The building is very pristine, with straight geometric shapes that are very consistent with Arabic architecture. There is a long row of palm trees leading up to the building which is actually on an island in the Persian Gulf. The building consists of five floors and the atrium in the center is visible from each floor. The art work in the museum is all Islamic, which is more functional than deliberate. Many carpets, tapestries, writings from the Koran, and tiles from buildings, and vases and jewelry were on display.  There was also a science section with elaborate, beautiful maps and globes from the age of discovery. Mia was very interested in the art, especially the calligraphy.  She does very well in the adult world of me and Paul. Because she has taken several trips to the art institute in Chicago, she knows how to approach art and isn't bored looking at art work. I bought a small print of Arabian horses in the gift shop.  There is a children's section to the museum, but one needs an "appointment" to go inside! Maybe we will have the opportunity to go back once I am driving.

Speaking of art, Mia has become very creative now that she is free of the structure of school and can be completely self directed. (I say this with complete respect for school and teachers, by the way!) She has written several "books" which are essentially short stories with illustrations.  The story ideas are very clever: "steps for flying in an airplane," "doggie in a box," "you don't want to read this book!,"  "tropical vacation," kiki's photo album," "the aliens attack and the wild ghost chase," "best Christmas ever," "bad kid," etc...(there will be twelve in all). The stories involve the same characters with different episodes.  When we left the USA,  Mia was watching "ICarly" on cable. Although this show is not available here, I was able to find the episodes on DVD at Villagio Mall.  So, she is enjoying the show and very interested in the way the characters are evolving throughout the series.

Driving In Qatar

Since I am an American, I must go to driving school before I can take the test for a license here.  This is not true with other nationalities.  Many of their licenses are accepted here, and no one has to go to driving school if they have a license in their own country.  So, what is the problem with Americans?  Well, the story is that a high ranking Qatari official was denied a car rental in the USA so now he is "punishing" Americans by not letting Americans here get by easily.This seems especially ironic given the the fact that driving here is so chaotic. It seems that very few drivers have any idea what the rules might be...people shift from lane to lane randomly, make left turns from right lanes...there are roundabouts throughout the city which few people approach with caution, most speed around and get off of and on to in a very inconsistnet, rash manner. Car accidents happen often, despite the fact that no one would ever drive under the influence of alcohol (zero tolerance for that here!). So, since I do not have my license, I rely upon Paul and taxis.  Recently, a taxi driver gave me his card, so I often call him direct for rides.  He is always available, although there is sometimes a bit of a wait.

As  it turns out, the driver loves America and Obama. He is from Kenya, "the same tribe as Obama" and seems to take great pride in this. He is also a big fan of American football and basketball and of course--Michael Jordan!!  He was especially excited with the fact that we are from Chicago. He is trying to talk me and Mia into taking our next trip to Kenya.  It certainly sounds beautiful.

In some respects, taking a taxi or having a driver is actually cheaper than buying or renting a car.  The most I have ever had to pay to go across town is 50 riyals (around 12 dollars) and the average is 25 riyals (around 6 dollars).

By the way, gas is cheaper than water here, and most people drive big cars, such a SUV's, and usually white.  Despite the "SAND-DUST" problem here, cars are very clean.  The car wash is very affordable, including vacuumin and cleaning rims, for around 5 dollars. There are usually attendents at each mall offering to wash one's car while one is shopping, also for around 5 dollars. Of course, none of these service people are Qatari.  Thery are usually Indian or Fillipino.  The Fillipinos are always cheerful and friendly.The money they earn in this way is usually sent home to their families.  Most men are here without their families (75% of the population is male). People work very hard just to survive and are very dedicated to their families, despite the fact that they are apart.

Pink Ribbons In Qatar

So, while it's true that cancer doesn't discriminate between races or nations, neither does compassion. I attended a cancer support group this evening where a group of about a dozen women (and one man) gathered together at a villa club house for a workshop on empowerment. Those present included several Indian women, two Americans, two British women, several Middle Eastern women, although two were married to Americans and had American citizenship. Everyone was friendly and kind, and the host was especially charming. Paul drove me to and from the meeting, and took Mia to the excitng Villagio Mall  Amusement Park while I was at the meeting. Apparenly the ambassador's wife is also a member but is currently out of the country.  I did receive an email from her invitiing me to attend (she is the friend of a friend of my next door neighbor). Friendships among expats are created readily, as are those between cancer survivors, so this group had all the elements of immediate bonding and nurturing. We will meet once a month.

And, I also found my way to the oncology hospital through a maze of red tape and miscommunication (and Paul's help!) where I met with a doctor. The hospital is very new and clean and efficiently run. Men and women are of course separated in each area (separate waiting lines, waiting rooms, etc...) and when I was examined by the male doctor, two female nurses were in the room. Everyone was very gentle, respectful, and noninvasive. Mia came with me and was given a lot of attention by the staff. (The nurse read a book with her during my examination.) I feel more secure having made contact with a doctor. I am going to begin physical therapy for the lymphedema I have in my left arm.  The physical therapist is Arabic, from Lebanon.  She speaks Engklish, Arabic, and French.(I observed this.) Unlike most Muslim women in Qatar, she does not wear a black veil. Rather, she wore a blue head scarf. The facility is very modern, although not as "exciting" as Midwest Orthopedics in Westchester where I received physicasl therapy for my knee.

Easter Sunday

EASTER SUNDAY      

I hid Mia’s Easter basket (which has always been our tradition) and Paul and I hid each other’s. Mia had a wide assortment of traditional Easter candy which I brought from home, not leaving such an important detail to chance in Doha.  I also had a large, very fluffy stuffed rabbit puppet in the basket. Mia seemed especially thrilled with the rabbit since she has always been partial to stuffed animals. I made a special Easter breakfast of strawberry-ricotta cheese crepes that both Paul and Mia appreciated.  We then spent the day relaxing at the pool,                      

                                                                            

Once again, the devotion of the people impresses me. The single road to the Catholic Church was backed up bumper to bumper for miles, and the streets leading to that one road were also jammed with cars heading toward the road. The Qatari Police were redirecting traffic and also navigating parking at the church.  This was a great courtesy of the authorities here, to care for the well-being of the Christina population on their way to their place of worship on their most sacred day of the year.

At the Church, there was no parking allowed in the parking lot so that there would be a large empty area around the church.   At the door of the church, we had to go through metal detectors and a hand search (men and women in separate lines of course, and women only searched by women). (All of this was for security purposes.) Since the main church was standing room only, mainly Indians and Filipinos in attendance, we ventured around the side and discovered a small chapel where mass was being said in Italian!! I felt this was a special Pascal treat for me since I love Italy so much and am so at home among Italians. There were about thirty people present.  During the handshake of peace, in true Italian form, unlike the mass on Palm Sunday, everyone shook hands and hugged and kissed. The priest was from Italy—I’m not quite sure how the congregation managed to get him to be there for Easter---and very friendly as he shook hands with each member of the congregation during the handshake of peace. There were some other English-speaking people there. After mass, we went home.

Needless to say, Easter lacked the excitement of a large family gathering and an egg hunt, and for Mia, often celebrated along with her birthday. Easter has also been the beginning of spring, and the days leading up to it, solemn and full of reflection.  Celebrating Easter in a Muslim country certainly changes the emotions of the feast. But, does it change the reality of the Easter mystery? After all, in the Middle East, we are much closer to Jerusalem. We are in the desert, just as Jesus was in a desert during lent. We do actually see camels periodically in the desert, near the road, and many people are dressed as people dressed when Jesus was on the earth. Maybe, from a cultural point of view, we are closer to the first Easter that we were back in America.

Home schooling

Home schooling

As many of you know, I am home schooling Mia. She is very excited about this and enjoys working with me. When I asked her what the best thing about home schooling is, she said, “I get to be with my mom!”  How sweet.  This has given me an opportunity to see how very well she is doing with the 3^rd grade curriculum and how quickly she learns.  Her 3^rd grade teacher at Ascension was generous enough to give me the math textbook, spelling workbook, and grammar workbook, so that we could continue where her class left off before we arrived in Doha. We spend most of the time in math, and I have of course added a few activities that are of special interest to her.  I have been doing the geography of the Middle East and hope to find an Arabic class for us. There are also some art activities at the Museum of Islamic Art in “city centre” where I intend to take her for enrichment this week.

There is only one American school in Doha and it is absolutely full to capacity with a waiting list. Children of school sponsors (companies that support the school) are given priority, as are siblings of those in the school and various other groups, none of which Mia is in! Although Paul was very busy getting all of the paper work in order for Mia to begin school there, and was told there was an opening, once we actually arrived, apparently the space had been filled. Mia and I did tour the school last week and were very impressed with the state of the art facility and the credentials of the staff. The assistant principal who gave us a tour was very encouraging and seemed to want Mia to start school immediately, but later, during the tour, we met another administrator, who apparently had more information on the admissions process, and said that they did not have a space!!  I felt so slighted and betrayed by my country (O.K. it is a private American school, but nonetheless, my father fought in WWII, and my ancestors came over on the Mayflower!!  I guess I do have an “entitlement issue”.)There are other options, British and International schools, which I will tour this and next week with Mia.

Interestingly enough, in our compound, which is composed of a variety of nationalities, there are several teachers from the American School of Doha (ASD). One of the 6 third grade teachers lives above us, and her husband is a computer teacher at the ASD. All of the teachers agree that we should just be persistent. Well, we do have our pride and don’t want to “beg” but, at the same time, I do want what is best for Mia.  We’ll see how the other schools compare.

School would also give Mia an opportunity to meet more friends her age and for me to meet some moms!  At the same type, there is a large circuit of communication among expats here, so we do have opportunities to meet people.

Pictures

Mia and Paul at The Villagio Mall

 Aspire Park Children's Festival

 Arab Women on Friday (Muslim Holy Day) at Aspire Park

 Paul and Mia at The Souk

 Paul and Mia at The Souk

 Pink and Yellow Bunnies at The Souk

 The Souk

 Amy at The Souk

 Paul, Amy, and Mia at a Lebanese Restaurant at The Souk

 Mia's Ninth Birthday ( Homemade Pinata)

Shoppers at Villagio Mall

Mia On Roller Blades

Mia on Roller Blades

On Friday, the Islamic Holy Day, Mia, Paul and I went to a large park, called Aspire Park, where Paul and I walked the “exercise path” and Mia roller bladed.  We were nearly the only non-Arabs there. Apparently, Mia’s roller blades were a real novelty because many people stared and pointed at her as she rode them.  A few children actually followed her and one man took his son over to her and attempted to communicate about them with her. Many families had blankets on the grass and sat in groups in their long gowns and veils.  The scene reminded me of the Seurat painting “Sunday in The Park”.  There was serenity to the park and reverence about the place. There were some Baobab trees in the park—this was the first time I had seen these trees and they are very unusual. (Le  Petit Prince makes reference to them.) They must have been imported since this was once all desert.  The grass in the park is irrigated, which is amazing considering the fact that the grassy area stretches for miles. Once again, the restroom had a toilet area and another adjoining entrance for a prayer room. The men and women pray in separate areas, just as the restrooms are in separate areas. Paul and I did see a couple praying together in the park, however, so it can be done.

Free Candy

Free Candy

 Since they do not have coins in Qatar, one must pay the exact amount for a purchase.  If you do not have the exact amount, you should overpay, in which case the vendor will give you your “change” in candy or gum! Paul has several packs of gum in the car which he received as change.  This is more common in the local, small stores which appear in strips along the road or, interestingly enough, in squares around gas stations. These stores are small general stores with an interesting assortment of goods. (I bought acrylic paints for a piñata Mia and I made for her birthday at a small local general store and some glue sticks.)

Of course Doha has very modern, glamorous shopping malls where one can find designer brands and expensive jewelry, French lingerie, endless candy and chocolate shops, French pastry, Italian coffee shops, pizza and Italian restaurants, indoor ice rinks and amusement parks, complete with roller coasters and Ferris wheels.  In these shops, it is unlikely you will receive candy as change. The Villagio Mall is especially popular; it is designed to resemble Venice with a canal running along the mall where one can have a ride in a gondola, complete with a gondolier. The façade of the stores is made to look like the buildings in Venice and the ceiling is painted blue with large, billowy clouds. The malls are very busy, bustling places with lots of foot traffic. It is common to see groups of Arab men in dish dash sitting together drinking coffee and groups of Arab women with the children at the amusement parks and even Arab and expat families strolling along together, shopping or eating dinner along the promenade. The grocery stores are usually attached to the mall.  The other day, Mia, Paul, and I went grocery shopping, and took Mia to the indoor amusement park where she rode the log ride and roller coaster. This is not a third world country!  Yet, it does have elements of one…

The most striking aspect of shopping is the courtesy shown to shoppers. The majority of the people working in the shops and restaurants are from the Philippines and other parts of Asia. They always address me as “Madame” and work very hard. They will do even the smallest tasks like throw your paper cup away for you at a coffee shop or pick up a napkin when it falls…when you order from the counter, they expect you to sit down and they will bring you your food or drink. Everywhere we go there is a lot of “help’ willing to make our lives easier.

The Veil

The Veil

O.K. readers, you know that this is a topic which invites controversy, but cannot be ignored, especially in the Middle East. Why do women wear the veil?  I don’t think there is one answer to this question. From my perspective, the abiya (long black floor length robe worn over clothing) and the veil seem very cumbersome and uncomfortable. I cannot imagine shopping with toddlers, or taking children to the playground, or getting in and out of the car in such garments. Mobility would be a problem. And, to a certain extent safety, since it would be difficult to ride a bicycle or walk downstairs or see drivers approaching from the side when one is veiled and clad in a floor length garment. It is clearly clothing made for sedentary activity such as sitting in a café drinking coffee, watching a film, sitting at a desk, or graceful walks along the Persian Gulf or a shopping mall. Are the veil and the abiya a way to limit women in their activity, such as foot binding was in ancient China?

Well, it is my observation that the women here who wear the veil (in what ever form) seem proud to wear it as they seem proud to wear the abiya. They seem to want to identify themselves as Qatari or Muslim or Arab and this is a clear way to do so.  The same is true for the men who also wear traditional dress. And, both the men and women in traditional dress appear very regal and elegant.

Of course, I have been told that this is only what they wear in public.  They do have modern clothing which they wear at home with their families.  I should hope so!

Once, I was told by a Muslim woman that she wears the veil for the sake of modesty and humility. In her case, it seemed very accurate as she was a very humble person.  She believed that showing one’s hair was a form of vanity. Of course, it is very clear when one goes shopping at a mall in Doha and sees the designer abiyas and veils in so many types of fabric and with many fine details on the hem lines; they are clearly not worn as a symbol of humility. It appears in these upscale shops, among very wealthy Muslim women to be as much of a status symbol as the ostentatious designer handbags and high-heeled designer shoes and gold jewelry they wear with the abiya and veil.

So the many manicure and pedicure salons which are popular among Arab women are what they do for their husbands? So, I have been told by various men, yet I wonder…other women do see their hands and feet, so perhaps it is just a way to impress other women, or a way to take care of oneself. Why do men always think women dress for men? Perhaps these women, like women in other cultures, are celebrating their femininity in what ever ways are possible.

I have observed several women here and in Abu Dhabi and in Dubai dressed in the abiya, with a veil, walking slowly with their husbands while a Filipino nanny walks behind them taking care of the children. The woman doesn’t need to worry about how practical her attire is since she has a nanny to do all of the messy work of caring for children. Last week, when we were at 31 Flavors for ice cream (yes, they are everywhere!), I noticed an Arab couple sitting together at a table eating ice cream while their children sat with the Filipino nanny at a separate table. It always baffles me how society places so little value upon those who care for children.

 I remember Johnny Depp (yes, I am quoting him!) said in an interview in reference to his wife and children, “There is nothing more beautiful than a mother with her young children—it is so sublime.”  Yes, Johnny, I agree. At the same time, there is a clear love for children among the Arabs.  Mia is very welcome everywhere and smiled upon and touched very gently by the Arab people. She is very aware of how kind they are to her. No observation has a simple conclusion.

And, by the way, I was told that the veil and abiya are not “in The Koran” so it is not part of Islam devotion.  I met a very devote Muslim woman in Dubai who was married, lived in the United Arab Emirates (UAE)but was  from Jordan, and she did not wear a veil or abiya.  Why not?  “I choose not to,” she said.

Filled With Gratitude

Filled With Gratitude

Thank you Carole (Albores) sister survivor for your comment on my blog—yes, the best thing about all of my experiences is that Paul and I are doing this together. I have had travel experiences in the past which were times of soul searching and personal quest, traveled with people I met along the way, but that experience pales to this because every event is shared on a meaningful level since it is shared with my life partner. After twenty four years of marriage, raising four children, a time of continental separation and the trauma of my cancer diagnosis, I see the strength of our marriage vows. It is so comforting to be here with him and to have our “baby” with us to share her innocence and affection.

Having just finished my cancer treatment, I live with the fear that any day it may recur.  Perhaps all survivors live with that as either an immobilizing force or as a driving force. I don’t think that any of us “forget about it”—do some of you live each year believing this may be the last? Do you try to be 100% for each child and for your spouse wanting to give them what you may not be able to give them in the future? God has graced me with not only another year, but a year in an exotic place with the love of my life.  How can I not wake each day with a heart full of gratitude? I believed for so long that I would not be gifted with this place with Paul, but I have.

It seems that Mia is too late to attend the American School of Doha, so I will be home schooling her for the duration of the school year.  Perhaps that is all part of the gift of being here.  I think she will always remember this special experience with her mother in this new, very foreign place. I want to enjoy this time with her as much as possible and for her to feel so loved.

The call to prayer five times a day is not only for Muslims.  It’s for me to stop and give praise and present my needs to God and remember the needs of others. No matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, I should stop.  I should never be too busy.

When I was in chemotherapy, it seemed impossible for me to enjoy any aspect of life because I was so physically sick.  As the effects of the medicine subsided, I began to feel so happy to be able to experiences the pleasures of my senses. I want to keep that freshness, to hold on to that happiness of being well enough to enjoy my senses. I want to take all that is offered to me and be filled with gratitude.