Pink Ribbons In Qatar

So, while it's true that cancer doesn't discriminate between races or nations, neither does compassion. I attended a cancer support group this evening where a group of about a dozen women (and one man) gathered together at a villa club house for a workshop on empowerment. Those present included several Indian women, two Americans, two British women, several Middle Eastern women, although two were married to Americans and had American citizenship. Everyone was friendly and kind, and the host was especially charming. Paul drove me to and from the meeting, and took Mia to the excitng Villagio Mall  Amusement Park while I was at the meeting. Apparenly the ambassador's wife is also a member but is currently out of the country.  I did receive an email from her invitiing me to attend (she is the friend of a friend of my next door neighbor). Friendships among expats are created readily, as are those between cancer survivors, so this group had all the elements of immediate bonding and nurturing. We will meet once a month.

And, I also found my way to the oncology hospital through a maze of red tape and miscommunication (and Paul's help!) where I met with a doctor. The hospital is very new and clean and efficiently run. Men and women are of course separated in each area (separate waiting lines, waiting rooms, etc...) and when I was examined by the male doctor, two female nurses were in the room. Everyone was very gentle, respectful, and noninvasive. Mia came with me and was given a lot of attention by the staff. (The nurse read a book with her during my examination.) I feel more secure having made contact with a doctor. I am going to begin physical therapy for the lymphedema I have in my left arm.  The physical therapist is Arabic, from Lebanon.  She speaks Engklish, Arabic, and French.(I observed this.) Unlike most Muslim women in Qatar, she does not wear a black veil. Rather, she wore a blue head scarf. The facility is very modern, although not as "exciting" as Midwest Orthopedics in Westchester where I received physicasl therapy for my knee.

Easter Sunday

EASTER SUNDAY      

I hid Mia’s Easter basket (which has always been our tradition) and Paul and I hid each other’s. Mia had a wide assortment of traditional Easter candy which I brought from home, not leaving such an important detail to chance in Doha.  I also had a large, very fluffy stuffed rabbit puppet in the basket. Mia seemed especially thrilled with the rabbit since she has always been partial to stuffed animals. I made a special Easter breakfast of strawberry-ricotta cheese crepes that both Paul and Mia appreciated.  We then spent the day relaxing at the pool,                      

                                                                            

Once again, the devotion of the people impresses me. The single road to the Catholic Church was backed up bumper to bumper for miles, and the streets leading to that one road were also jammed with cars heading toward the road. The Qatari Police were redirecting traffic and also navigating parking at the church.  This was a great courtesy of the authorities here, to care for the well-being of the Christina population on their way to their place of worship on their most sacred day of the year.

At the Church, there was no parking allowed in the parking lot so that there would be a large empty area around the church.   At the door of the church, we had to go through metal detectors and a hand search (men and women in separate lines of course, and women only searched by women). (All of this was for security purposes.) Since the main church was standing room only, mainly Indians and Filipinos in attendance, we ventured around the side and discovered a small chapel where mass was being said in Italian!! I felt this was a special Pascal treat for me since I love Italy so much and am so at home among Italians. There were about thirty people present.  During the handshake of peace, in true Italian form, unlike the mass on Palm Sunday, everyone shook hands and hugged and kissed. The priest was from Italy—I’m not quite sure how the congregation managed to get him to be there for Easter---and very friendly as he shook hands with each member of the congregation during the handshake of peace. There were some other English-speaking people there. After mass, we went home.

Needless to say, Easter lacked the excitement of a large family gathering and an egg hunt, and for Mia, often celebrated along with her birthday. Easter has also been the beginning of spring, and the days leading up to it, solemn and full of reflection.  Celebrating Easter in a Muslim country certainly changes the emotions of the feast. But, does it change the reality of the Easter mystery? After all, in the Middle East, we are much closer to Jerusalem. We are in the desert, just as Jesus was in a desert during lent. We do actually see camels periodically in the desert, near the road, and many people are dressed as people dressed when Jesus was on the earth. Maybe, from a cultural point of view, we are closer to the first Easter that we were back in America.

Home schooling

Home schooling

As many of you know, I am home schooling Mia. She is very excited about this and enjoys working with me. When I asked her what the best thing about home schooling is, she said, “I get to be with my mom!”  How sweet.  This has given me an opportunity to see how very well she is doing with the 3^rd grade curriculum and how quickly she learns.  Her 3^rd grade teacher at Ascension was generous enough to give me the math textbook, spelling workbook, and grammar workbook, so that we could continue where her class left off before we arrived in Doha. We spend most of the time in math, and I have of course added a few activities that are of special interest to her.  I have been doing the geography of the Middle East and hope to find an Arabic class for us. There are also some art activities at the Museum of Islamic Art in “city centre” where I intend to take her for enrichment this week.

There is only one American school in Doha and it is absolutely full to capacity with a waiting list. Children of school sponsors (companies that support the school) are given priority, as are siblings of those in the school and various other groups, none of which Mia is in! Although Paul was very busy getting all of the paper work in order for Mia to begin school there, and was told there was an opening, once we actually arrived, apparently the space had been filled. Mia and I did tour the school last week and were very impressed with the state of the art facility and the credentials of the staff. The assistant principal who gave us a tour was very encouraging and seemed to want Mia to start school immediately, but later, during the tour, we met another administrator, who apparently had more information on the admissions process, and said that they did not have a space!!  I felt so slighted and betrayed by my country (O.K. it is a private American school, but nonetheless, my father fought in WWII, and my ancestors came over on the Mayflower!!  I guess I do have an “entitlement issue”.)There are other options, British and International schools, which I will tour this and next week with Mia.

Interestingly enough, in our compound, which is composed of a variety of nationalities, there are several teachers from the American School of Doha (ASD). One of the 6 third grade teachers lives above us, and her husband is a computer teacher at the ASD. All of the teachers agree that we should just be persistent. Well, we do have our pride and don’t want to “beg” but, at the same time, I do want what is best for Mia.  We’ll see how the other schools compare.

School would also give Mia an opportunity to meet more friends her age and for me to meet some moms!  At the same type, there is a large circuit of communication among expats here, so we do have opportunities to meet people.

Pictures

Mia and Paul at The Villagio Mall

 Aspire Park Children's Festival

 Arab Women on Friday (Muslim Holy Day) at Aspire Park

 Paul and Mia at The Souk

 Paul and Mia at The Souk

 Pink and Yellow Bunnies at The Souk

 The Souk

 Amy at The Souk

 Paul, Amy, and Mia at a Lebanese Restaurant at The Souk

 Mia's Ninth Birthday ( Homemade Pinata)

Shoppers at Villagio Mall

Mia On Roller Blades

Mia on Roller Blades

On Friday, the Islamic Holy Day, Mia, Paul and I went to a large park, called Aspire Park, where Paul and I walked the “exercise path” and Mia roller bladed.  We were nearly the only non-Arabs there. Apparently, Mia’s roller blades were a real novelty because many people stared and pointed at her as she rode them.  A few children actually followed her and one man took his son over to her and attempted to communicate about them with her. Many families had blankets on the grass and sat in groups in their long gowns and veils.  The scene reminded me of the Seurat painting “Sunday in The Park”.  There was serenity to the park and reverence about the place. There were some Baobab trees in the park—this was the first time I had seen these trees and they are very unusual. (Le  Petit Prince makes reference to them.) They must have been imported since this was once all desert.  The grass in the park is irrigated, which is amazing considering the fact that the grassy area stretches for miles. Once again, the restroom had a toilet area and another adjoining entrance for a prayer room. The men and women pray in separate areas, just as the restrooms are in separate areas. Paul and I did see a couple praying together in the park, however, so it can be done.

Free Candy

Free Candy

 Since they do not have coins in Qatar, one must pay the exact amount for a purchase.  If you do not have the exact amount, you should overpay, in which case the vendor will give you your “change” in candy or gum! Paul has several packs of gum in the car which he received as change.  This is more common in the local, small stores which appear in strips along the road or, interestingly enough, in squares around gas stations. These stores are small general stores with an interesting assortment of goods. (I bought acrylic paints for a piñata Mia and I made for her birthday at a small local general store and some glue sticks.)

Of course Doha has very modern, glamorous shopping malls where one can find designer brands and expensive jewelry, French lingerie, endless candy and chocolate shops, French pastry, Italian coffee shops, pizza and Italian restaurants, indoor ice rinks and amusement parks, complete with roller coasters and Ferris wheels.  In these shops, it is unlikely you will receive candy as change. The Villagio Mall is especially popular; it is designed to resemble Venice with a canal running along the mall where one can have a ride in a gondola, complete with a gondolier. The façade of the stores is made to look like the buildings in Venice and the ceiling is painted blue with large, billowy clouds. The malls are very busy, bustling places with lots of foot traffic. It is common to see groups of Arab men in dish dash sitting together drinking coffee and groups of Arab women with the children at the amusement parks and even Arab and expat families strolling along together, shopping or eating dinner along the promenade. The grocery stores are usually attached to the mall.  The other day, Mia, Paul, and I went grocery shopping, and took Mia to the indoor amusement park where she rode the log ride and roller coaster. This is not a third world country!  Yet, it does have elements of one…

The most striking aspect of shopping is the courtesy shown to shoppers. The majority of the people working in the shops and restaurants are from the Philippines and other parts of Asia. They always address me as “Madame” and work very hard. They will do even the smallest tasks like throw your paper cup away for you at a coffee shop or pick up a napkin when it falls…when you order from the counter, they expect you to sit down and they will bring you your food or drink. Everywhere we go there is a lot of “help’ willing to make our lives easier.

The Veil

The Veil

O.K. readers, you know that this is a topic which invites controversy, but cannot be ignored, especially in the Middle East. Why do women wear the veil?  I don’t think there is one answer to this question. From my perspective, the abiya (long black floor length robe worn over clothing) and the veil seem very cumbersome and uncomfortable. I cannot imagine shopping with toddlers, or taking children to the playground, or getting in and out of the car in such garments. Mobility would be a problem. And, to a certain extent safety, since it would be difficult to ride a bicycle or walk downstairs or see drivers approaching from the side when one is veiled and clad in a floor length garment. It is clearly clothing made for sedentary activity such as sitting in a café drinking coffee, watching a film, sitting at a desk, or graceful walks along the Persian Gulf or a shopping mall. Are the veil and the abiya a way to limit women in their activity, such as foot binding was in ancient China?

Well, it is my observation that the women here who wear the veil (in what ever form) seem proud to wear it as they seem proud to wear the abiya. They seem to want to identify themselves as Qatari or Muslim or Arab and this is a clear way to do so.  The same is true for the men who also wear traditional dress. And, both the men and women in traditional dress appear very regal and elegant.

Of course, I have been told that this is only what they wear in public.  They do have modern clothing which they wear at home with their families.  I should hope so!

Once, I was told by a Muslim woman that she wears the veil for the sake of modesty and humility. In her case, it seemed very accurate as she was a very humble person.  She believed that showing one’s hair was a form of vanity. Of course, it is very clear when one goes shopping at a mall in Doha and sees the designer abiyas and veils in so many types of fabric and with many fine details on the hem lines; they are clearly not worn as a symbol of humility. It appears in these upscale shops, among very wealthy Muslim women to be as much of a status symbol as the ostentatious designer handbags and high-heeled designer shoes and gold jewelry they wear with the abiya and veil.

So the many manicure and pedicure salons which are popular among Arab women are what they do for their husbands? So, I have been told by various men, yet I wonder…other women do see their hands and feet, so perhaps it is just a way to impress other women, or a way to take care of oneself. Why do men always think women dress for men? Perhaps these women, like women in other cultures, are celebrating their femininity in what ever ways are possible.

I have observed several women here and in Abu Dhabi and in Dubai dressed in the abiya, with a veil, walking slowly with their husbands while a Filipino nanny walks behind them taking care of the children. The woman doesn’t need to worry about how practical her attire is since she has a nanny to do all of the messy work of caring for children. Last week, when we were at 31 Flavors for ice cream (yes, they are everywhere!), I noticed an Arab couple sitting together at a table eating ice cream while their children sat with the Filipino nanny at a separate table. It always baffles me how society places so little value upon those who care for children.

 I remember Johnny Depp (yes, I am quoting him!) said in an interview in reference to his wife and children, “There is nothing more beautiful than a mother with her young children—it is so sublime.”  Yes, Johnny, I agree. At the same time, there is a clear love for children among the Arabs.  Mia is very welcome everywhere and smiled upon and touched very gently by the Arab people. She is very aware of how kind they are to her. No observation has a simple conclusion.

And, by the way, I was told that the veil and abiya are not “in The Koran” so it is not part of Islam devotion.  I met a very devote Muslim woman in Dubai who was married, lived in the United Arab Emirates (UAE)but was  from Jordan, and she did not wear a veil or abiya.  Why not?  “I choose not to,” she said.

Filled With Gratitude

Filled With Gratitude

Thank you Carole (Albores) sister survivor for your comment on my blog—yes, the best thing about all of my experiences is that Paul and I are doing this together. I have had travel experiences in the past which were times of soul searching and personal quest, traveled with people I met along the way, but that experience pales to this because every event is shared on a meaningful level since it is shared with my life partner. After twenty four years of marriage, raising four children, a time of continental separation and the trauma of my cancer diagnosis, I see the strength of our marriage vows. It is so comforting to be here with him and to have our “baby” with us to share her innocence and affection.

Having just finished my cancer treatment, I live with the fear that any day it may recur.  Perhaps all survivors live with that as either an immobilizing force or as a driving force. I don’t think that any of us “forget about it”—do some of you live each year believing this may be the last? Do you try to be 100% for each child and for your spouse wanting to give them what you may not be able to give them in the future? God has graced me with not only another year, but a year in an exotic place with the love of my life.  How can I not wake each day with a heart full of gratitude? I believed for so long that I would not be gifted with this place with Paul, but I have.

It seems that Mia is too late to attend the American School of Doha, so I will be home schooling her for the duration of the school year.  Perhaps that is all part of the gift of being here.  I think she will always remember this special experience with her mother in this new, very foreign place. I want to enjoy this time with her as much as possible and for her to feel so loved.

The call to prayer five times a day is not only for Muslims.  It’s for me to stop and give praise and present my needs to God and remember the needs of others. No matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, I should stop.  I should never be too busy.

When I was in chemotherapy, it seemed impossible for me to enjoy any aspect of life because I was so physically sick.  As the effects of the medicine subsided, I began to feel so happy to be able to experiences the pleasures of my senses. I want to keep that freshness, to hold on to that happiness of being well enough to enjoy my senses. I want to take all that is offered to me and be filled with gratitude.

The Souk

On Friday, Paul, Mia and I went to what is described as "the most stunning souk in the Gulf Region" (Live, Work, Explore Qatar). The souk stands upon the site of what was once a tiny village wnere the Bedouin brought their goods for trade.  In the recent past, the trade center deteriated, but has now been restored and is a vibrant labyrinth of activity where one can purchase an array of unusual items from all over the Mideast and East. The shops are small and many are merely stalls. What caught my eye were the beautiful silk carpets from Iran and the bright, glittering fabrics from India.  One can even get a dress or suit tailor-made with a fabric of your choice! Collections of swords, guns, knives, and armor seem very popular as do the beautiful pearl boxes from Lebanon and hand made vases from Lebanon, Turkey, Iran with intricate patterns and colorful designs. There are also nut, candy, chocolate, and spice shops where one can inhale the sensual delights of the region. Water pipes (called shiusha pipes here) are sold in many sizes and designs--this, by the way, is a very common practice and one must be prepared to smell the scented "tobacco" in most public places, including restaurants. The souk is also one of the few places people can purchase animals, although where they came from and how they have been raised is questionable.  We even saw a monkey for sale! I also thought it interesting that some locals were buying pigeons. Mia was enamored with the bright pink and blue bunnies (yes, they have dyed the fur of bunnies and chicks) and really wants one now for her birthday (which is coming up on Saturday!).

We ate dinner at an outdoor table at a Lebanese Restaurant at the souk. Of course we ordered hummus and
baba ganoosh with our meal. Sitting at a table in a restaurant here is usually an all-night event and done in a very leisurely manner.  Children are very welcome any time anywhere. At dinner, we were able to do quite a bit of people-watching as the foot trafic at the souk is heavy and very diverse. By diverse I mean variety within the Mideast and East where almost all of the women are veiled, but the veils vary from region to region and alomost all of the men wear long robes and headpieces, but that also varies from region to region. It seems that many more women here wear veils that cover all of the face, except the eyes, than in Abu Dhabi.at this point, it is not clear which women and men are Qatari and which are from Africa or another Arab country. There were also other Westerners at the souk, most of whom seem to be British, or Eastern European. Although there were many families walking and eating together, there are many groups of Arab men walking and eating together.  This is especially noticeable for me since it is not common in the USA to see men shopping together or eating dinner together or sitting for hours with coffee and shisha. I did observe two men greet each other, and this was done in a very affectionate and gentle manner.I have been told that the friendship among men is very strong and loyalty is very important. This is strictly friendship, but a strong and lasting bond.

After dinner, we went shopping at a furniture store--a real contrast in style--which was open after 10:00 p.m. Most places close in the afternoon and reopen in the late afternoon and stay open until late evening.  This is very convenient for shopping and late night dining. Friday and Saturday make the weekend, since Friday is the holy day. For this reason, many offices and so on are not open during the day on Friday. The Muslims appear very devote. When the "call to prayer" is heard, they go to a mosque or prayer room--which is alwayts nearby, even in the shopping malls--and pray. Men and women do not pray in the same place, and the pray rooms are often located near the restrooms with very clear boundaries around the areas. People like their privacy, which I personally appreciate.

First Impressions

We have been here one week and I am finally able to access my blog! I know that many of you have been wondering how Mia, Paul, and I are adjusting...first of all, the strenuous plane ride direct from Chicago, along with the time zone change is physically exhausting and disorientating. In my case it is especially so since my recent surgery resulted in the loss of 44 lymph nodes on my left arm.  I wore a compression sleeve which greatly helped, yet I still had a lot of swelling. It took nearly a week for the swelling to go away.

Once we arrived in Doha, the whole transition process, including customs, went smoothly.  We took a taxi to our villa which allowed us to get a good overview of the city.In general, the best phrase to describe Doha is "under construction" since building is taking place everywhere! The downtown area (city central) is defined by very innovative and colorful skyscrapers and fast pace traffic. Most buildings outside the downtown area are made of various shades of sand-colored stucco and all are walled, homes as well as offices and shops. The signs on offices and shops are very discreet, so there is a sense of privacy everywhere along the roads, palm trees and various flowering trees dot the walls and sand is everywhere (we are in a desert after all!). Our villa is part of a gated community (as much as I dislike admitting this!) of several homes with a very clean, pretty, large swimming pool and community building in the center.  There is also a shared  play area and trampolines. The interior of our villa is so spacious and offers much possibility for decorating, although it would take a few years to really complete that task.  The ceilings are very high, and all of the floors are ceramic tile. It will not surprise my children and mother to know that the second day here, I swept and washed all of the floors (there is the "sand-dust problem" here), despite the fact that somehow it is beneath expat women to do cleaning. Well, I did want it done right away. We have new appliances (the washing machine also functions as a dryer?!) and everything is top grade. It feels strange to be in such a new place after living in a home that is over 100 years old for the past 12 years. We have a brick patio (walled) outside the kitchen with three flowering trees. Very pretty.

Mia has insisted that we go swimming every day since our arrival.  This has been a good way for me to exercise by doing laps and she is getting very confident in the water. Paul leaves early for work since work days begins earlier here than at home. Since we are near the equator, the sunset doesn't change much from season to season, so now it is dusk by 6:00 p.m. I am so glad that I managed to fit all of Mia's American Girl dolls in our suitcases (and accessories) since she has spent several hours every day playing with them.
She has also been chronicling our experience in her drawings--she's actually making a mural. The American school is still on break.
One evening we went along The Corniche (walkway along the Persian Gulf) where Mia roller bladed and we bought fruit smoothies.There are many more Arabs in traditional dress here compared to Abu Dhabi or Dubai. Although there are families strolling along together, it is not unusual to see several men or several women in traditional dress walking together or sitting together.  In fact, it is very commonplace. Children are very welcome everywhere and given a lot of freedom. There are people from all over the world here, but especially The Phillipines, Pakistan, Africa, and India. Doha is very different from Abu Dhabi, yet both are very different from home. It's a new world for us.